Chains
by Ayumi Elric
Summary: Raito didn't know what pissed him off more. Being chained to an idiot who smelled really bad and gourged himself constantly with sweets, or the way everyone looked at them like they were kinky teenagers overrun with horomones.Random oneshots.Kinky is fun!
1. Skittles

**I was thinking to myself..."Hey, it's been a while since I updated something...I should do that now!" then I got on my laptop, ate some Valentine's day candy and stared at the screen for a good 5 minutes before coming up with this. Yes, it's not an update. Let's call it...the Death Note version of Poup -nods- Yes, that's it...hopefully, it gets as many reviews...**

**Btw, most of the time I'm gonna be calling Light Raito. Why? ...I dunno, because calling him Light makes me twitch for some reason...Raito sounds sexier.**

**Disclaimer: Damn, I haven't been doing these in a while...call in the magic dancing chicken!**

**Chicken: -makes chicken noises and starts breakdancing-**

**Me: Yaaaay!!!**

**Raito: ...what's that have to do with anything?**

**L: -in awe- Chicken...**

**Me: Yeah, I don't own shit...Raitoooo-kun! -tackles-**

**---**

For the seventeenth time that day, Raito's left eye twitched. He absolutely loathed shopping with L. Mainly because he was an idiotic, disgusting and poor excuse for a civilized human being. And because the way people stared at him like they were kinky sex partners annoyed the shit out of him. He twitched again as L picked up a box of Milk Duds, slid out a couple of them and replaced the box on the shelves. L glanced at him. "Would Yagami-kun want one?" He asked, offering one of his duds.

"Ew, no. You touched it." Raito glared at the small chocolate covered candy. "It probably all your germs on it. Like...like L cooties or something."

"I'll have to disagree with that statement, Raito-kun. I have the same amount of bacterial organisms living on my skin as anybody else. And cooties are a type of head lice that I only have a 13 percent chance of possessing." L replied dully, popping the Milk Duds into his mouth.

Raito rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right, coming from the guy who hasn't even heard of the word hygiene."

"Hygiene; conditions and practices that serve to promote or preserve health, and or the science that deals with the promotion and preservation of health. Also called hygienics. Besides, I took a bath last week..." He mumbled distractedly, ripping open a pack of Skittles and taking out most of the green and yellow ones. Raito stole the packet and bopped him on the back of the head with it. "Cut that out!"

"Ow..." L rubbed the back of his head and frowned to himself. "...up by three percent."

Once again, he rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He randomly felt a tug on his sleeve and whipped around to glare at whoever dared to touch him and wrinkle one of his favorite shirts. It turned out to be some kid, who as Raito noticed, totally clashed. "What the hell do you want?"

"Raito-kun should refrain from using profanity in front of minors..." L muttered.

"Um, Mister, what's that?" The kid pointed to the thin chain connecting the two. "Are you a bad guy?"

"Yes, Yagami-kun's a highly dangerous suspect of mass murder. I'd advise that you run away before he attempts to consume your insides." L grinned at the kid, who looked absolutely horrified and looked like he just wet himself in fright. Which he did. You can tell by the sudden puddle that had formed around the boy's feet.

"Ryuuzaki, you bastard!" Raito hissed, glaring at the older man. He looked back at the little boy to set him straight, but he was already dashing down the aisle, screaming on the top of his lungs, "Mommy!! Help! This guy's trying to eat me!"

"Shut up!" Raito yelled, throwing the Skittle packet at the kid. It bounced off his head and the kid hit the ground facefirst, bold red letters appearing over his head that randomly read "K.O."

"Heh, taste the rainbow, bitch." Raito said and smirked in an evil and quite sexy way. A random woman that could only be assumed to be his mother screamed, ran to where the boy lay and started wailing loudly. "Dead!! He's dead!"

"Up by thirty percent for murder of a youth." L said. Raito glared at him.

---

**Now I'm bored again...computer kept spazzing out while I wrote this...next chapter will be funnier, my brain's dead right now...especially since my parents are being uber paranoid about me being on the computer lately...sheesh...you stay up 'till three in the morning on a school night **_**one**_** time...okay, maybe like, every day this week...who cares? ...gimme review!**


	2. Shopping

**Well, that was quick. I seem to be updating this story more often then most...I also seem to be uconsciously mimicking the way L talks...I should stop that before I start pissing myself off...ah...too late.**

**Disclaimer: Do I have to? -whines-**

**L: No, but then the chances of Raito-kun being Kira goes up by 10 percent.**

**Raito: Wait, why?!**

**L: For making the authoress claim rights to this liscenced anime...duh.**

**Raito: ...-.-; Ayumi, just do it.**

**Me: -drools- C-can I touch your hair?**

**Raito: Touch it and die!**

**Me: -mutters- I liked you better as a psychotic mass murder bent on ridding the world of it's crime...**

**L: So Raito-kun IS Kira!!!**

**Raito: XO FINE, TOUCH IT!**

**Me: Oh, I will -grabs Raito and rums to room-**

**Raito: o.O?!**

**L: Oh...it seems that Ayumi-san's going overboard with this author's note...**

**Matsuda: Muffins!**

**---**

Raito took in a big, nervous breath and stepped in front of the mirror. He grinned at his perfect reflection. _I knew it! These pants **are** fabulous! _He posed in front of the mirror, putting his hands on his hips and pouting. Then he leaned forward, winked and blew a kiss. "Damn, I'm sexy," He muttered to himself. Damn straight you are, Raito.

"...just what in the world is Raito-kun doing?" L asked, his reflection suddenly next to his own. Raito jumped in surprise and clutched at his manly chest as if he was having a heart attack. Oh, the irony of those words...

"Dammit, Ryuuzaki, you scared me! Who said you can sneak up on me anyway!?"

"Is Raito-kun avoiding the question?"

"I was trying on clothes, you even said I could!" Raito pouted again and folded his arms. L blinked. "Oh, right...I suppose I did..."

"Well...whaddya think?" He asked slowly. "...d'ya think these pants make my butt look big?"

"Yes." L answered before a second even passed. Raito gawked at him. "You didn't even look!"

"I didn't need to. Without the pants, your left buttcheek already sticks out two point five centimeters past your right one. These pants enhance them by making them stick out more." L explained dully, watching a baby licking a lollipop a few feet from then and plotting the best way to steal it. But he heard a high pitched whining sound from Raito and turned to look, and recoiled in surprise. Raito was glaring at him with all the furious intensity as a miffed teenager having that time of the month.

"You think I have a big ass!" Raito accused, pointing at him.

"I didn't say that!"

"You said it sticks out!"

"I said the _pants _makes it stick out!"

"YOU INSULTED MY PERFECT ASS, DAMMIT!"

"Raito-kun should learn to keep his voice down..." L pointed out, glancing at all the people in the store.

"NO! Take it back!!!" Raito stomped his foot for emphasis. L stared at him and sighed. "Fine. I will excuse Raito-kun's immaturity and apoligize for the fact that Raito-kun can't accept having a large gluttous maximus."

"At least I don't have a flabby sack of fat for an ass like you do!" Raito yelled, smacking L's ass to prove a point. L twitched, grabbed his arm and pulled him down. "Raito-kun-will-not-touch-me-there!" He said calmly, spanking him with every word. LxRaito fans squee! Squee, I say!

Raito pushed him off and glared at him. "You bastard, only hot girls can touch my ass!! DIE!!" He tackled the older man and a large, cartoon-like puff of smoke appeared around them for censoring and because I'm lazy and don't feel like describing their actions right now. Yes, I broke the fourth wall again, because I fancy having a room with three walls, it's very...triangular...so, um, anyway...

The manager of the store came running over to where the two were fighting. "Excuse me, what do you two think you're doing!?"

The two of the stopped and looked up at the manager, not realizing how awkward the positions they were in were. Raito was sitting on L with a fistful of L's shirt in one hand, and their chain in the other. The chain was now wrapped around L's thighs and Raito's waist. L was pulling Raito down by his hair while looking like he was just about to punch him in the gonads. It looked like something out of a yaoi fangirl's dreams. Probably was. The manager blinked and flushed slightly. "I want the both of you out of my store! Now!"

"Wh-what?! But-"

"_Now!_"

"This is all Raito-kun's fault..." L mumbled as they left the store.

"Eh...look on the bright side..." Raito smiled brightly. "I got to keep the pants!"

L sighed. "Why me..."

**---**

**Uh, yeah, got nothing to say after that one XD; Review replies! I got waaaay more then I expected...o.o;**

**s-chan.the.insane- I felt like killing the kid -shrugs- Dunno why...the taste the rainbow line is one of my best friends' catchphrase, which she says while pelting us with Skittles lol**

**Ling-Ling1567-** **XD The kid deserved it! Bwahahaha...damn shift key is refusing to work...**

**julstimes2- .o. L is annoying. n.n**

**nicole9461278- I didn't think that chapter was all that funny...it'll get better, lol**

**Elyk- I used to steal candy off the shelves when I was like, 7...never got caught -shifty eyes-**

**Skyler25-...you say wha? What the bloody hell is that? And yeah, Raito is..I'm still trying to figure that one out for myself...**

**MrsEdwardElric47-XD; Damn, Cathy-chan, you must really like that line!**

**Pastel Cupcake-...he's sugary sweetness? XD; lol, wha?**

**Kitsune-Soul-It seems everyone really likes that taste the rainbow line...XD They should so say that in a Skittles commercial**

**Synonymous Brain-That also reminds me, I should tell my friend that I stole her line..hm...**

**SapphireElric-Ahaha, why only 4 hours? XD;**

**S- Just...? .o. Huh? **

**UndeadTiger- Serious about what? n.n;**

**InsaneGirL Of The Akatsuki- Lol, I like that line too. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it though...**

**PlasticBagFreak- Hehe, glad you think so. It's not as funny when you're getting Skittles thrown at you from your psychotic friend though.**


	3. Ice Cream

**I wrote this chapter before I started this fanfic, happy that it's finally out! Whoot! After chapter 5, I'll have no idea what to write about...-sobs-**

**Disclaimer: L, take it away!**

**L: There's an one hundred percent chance that Ayumi-san doesn't own Death Note.**

**Raito: So get off her damn back, bitches!**

**---**

_Damn it all..._Raito sat up in bed and glared at the other person occuping the other half of it. That rare time that L had let himself sleep for once has come again, and being the selfish bastard that he was, he had stolen most of the sheets. Raito shivered, rubbing his hands up and down his arms, hoping that the friction would warm him up the slightest fraction of an amount more. _Why the hell is it so damn cold in here?!_

He glanced at the large bowl of pale yellow ice cream sitting on the floor next to the bed, only slightly melted. He suddenly remembered L muttering about not wanting his ice cream to melt and cursed under his breath.

Raito poked L's shoulder. "Ryuuzaki, get up, I have to go to the bathroom." He muttered, poking him harder. No response. Raito sighed in annoyance, poking his finger into L's shoulder blade. "Wake up dammit, I have to pee!"

L shifted slightly and wrapped the blankets tighter around himself. "Mmmuffa..." He mumbled, his lips parting slightly to allow a considerable amount of drool to slip out and onto his pillow. Raito's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Alright, Ryuuzaki, off yer ass. Now!" He bapped the top of L's head for emphasis.

L automatically sat up, glared groggily at him and bitchslapped him across the face. "I would highly appreciate it if Raito-kun would _shut _his damn mouth for once and let me sleep!" And with that, L fell back onto his saliva-soaked pillow and went back to sleep.

Raito was in shock, as he touched his tinged pink cheek in a daze. _How dare he...!! _He glared at L's sleeping form. _Nobody crosses Raito Yagami and gets away with it. _He carefully climbed out of bed, slowly enough to not make the chain clang together. He got off the bed and smirked maliciously at the bowl of ice cream, getting an extremely evil idae.

_Heh. This is what you get for not letting me piss when I want to. _He thought with an evil chuckle, and started pulling down the zipper of his pants.

**-fangirl squeal-**

_Later, after the Raito fangirl regained her composure after imagining Raito peeing into a bowl of ice cream..._

Raito was now in an extremely good mood. Not only was he getting his revenge, L had treated him to a decent breakfast this time, letting him make his own pancakes. L had even added some chocolate chips to it. And even though Raito didn't really like sweets, it was some _damn _good chocolate. He forked another bite of pancake into his mouth while trying hard not to laugh while L had his ice cream. He wanted to wait until L was all done before filling him in.

When L had the last spoonful in his mouth, Raito burst out laughing. Puzzled, L tilted his head in questioning, making L fangirls squee. "Does Raito-kun find something amusing about his breakfast?"

"Haha, I can't believe you actually ate it! I pissed in that, and you ate it!" Raito blurted out, clutching his sides in slight pain as he laughed.

L blinked slowly, and looked at his empty bowl, the corners of his lips pulling up in a faint smile. "Ah...yes, I had predicted that Raito-kun would be infuriated in me and had urinated in my ice cream, due to the smell and the fact that it was two point five percent more yellow then before. Thus, I retrieved fresh ice cream and snuck rabbit feces into Raito-kun's pancakes." He smiled proudly. "Oh, and the chance that Raito-kun is Kira has gone up by seventeen percent."

Raito didn't hear him anymore. His caramel-colored eyes had widened for more then humanly possible, making them look even more like a doe's then usual, his face paling into a sickly, green complexion, his mouth dropping open. The half chewed piece of pancake fell from his agape mouth, falling onto his plate with a wet 'thump'. "Ryuuzaki...you didn't..." He croaked weakly.

L just sat there looking immensely pleased with himself.

Raito glanced at the sad lump of pancake he had been eating thirty seconds ago. Indeed, that was rabbit poop in there. Raito let out a loud, bloodcurdling, high pitched and extremely girly shriek that lasted about forty four seconds before his eyes rolled up into his head and he fell sideways off his chair in a dead faint. L had about thirty milliseconds to smirk until the chain pulled him down also, making him crash into the floor.

**---**

**Finally done! Manga-chan, who this chapter is dedicated too, kept distracting me with perversions! Sheesh...anyway, review replies!**

**SapphireElric- Sounds fun!**

**A Candle Lit For The Dead- Wow, morbid name XD; I'm bashing L?? o.o Oh, I didn't know that...I love L, just not as much as Raito...maybe I'm subconsciously doing it cuz I'm a Kira follower...**

**Ling-Ling1567- Yes, wow XD**

**naito-kei- XD; I love you too? Raito is egotistical -nods- I mean, did you see the way he sits? -hearts-**

**Skyler25- Oh yes, the bond between rivaling fangirls is a beautiful thing, isn't it? I look forward to having loud, immature "RAITO IS MINE, BETCH" fights with you in the future, lol. XD This story isn't yaoi -blinks- I just like making fun of the pairing cuz it makes no sense to me XD; Ah yes, his perfect ass...**

**Synonymous Brain- X3 I'll make updates quicker, I keep getting lazy...**

**julstimes2- Yay, Spazzy!Raito!**

**Fweee!- Fwee equals chibi!Ed pelvic thrusting with maracas XD; Reference to Poup, yay! XD; just had to point that out...**

**InuyashaLuver1224- As I said before, Raito sounds sexier then Light -coughs- **

**Eternaldeath13- Also a morbid name...I like it though X3 Yay, another fan of the rainbow bitch line!**

**InsaneGirL Of The Akatsuki- GAH NO YAOI DX**

**Kurai-Kyuuketsuki- The best crack? Why, I'm honored that you think so -eyes sparkle-**

**MrsEdwardElric47- X3 I guessed on that, of course, I can't tell the difference between both buttcheeks, they're both equally perfect...-ahem-**

**Yami ni Hikaru- XD If you think he can't stand losing now, wait until chapter five! **

**Okay, that's it, time to go do my homework! Ahahaha...not...**


	4. Markers

**Yay, chaper four! Okay, I actually should be working on this project for school, but...screw that, update time! Whoot!**

**Disclaimer: Eh, I got nothing remotely interesting to say this time...**

**Misa: Lyke, Aume dOnt oan deth not!!1!1!**

**Me: Ah!! The sheer stupidity of it all, it burns! -falls down in twitchy fit-**

**---**

Raito was sitting in the darkest corner, sitting in a fetal position and rocking back and forth, sucking on his thumb. Obviously he still hasn't gotten over the whole rabbit poop thing.

L was watching him, sucking on a large multicolored lollipop. After a couple of minutes, he finally spoke. "...Raito-kun is overreacting."

Raito twitched. "Overreacting? _Overreacting?! _Dammit, Ryuuzaki, you fed be rabbit crap! Not only is that disgusting, but do you know what rabbits eat?!"

"Of course, rabbits are herbivores that feed on grasses, forbs and leafy weeds. Furthermore-"

"Carbs!" Raito cut in, glaring in fury at the older man. "Do you know how hard it is to look _this _sexy everyday?! No! You don't! I mean, look at you! ...Oh God, I'm gonna get f-f-fat!" He suddenly let out a loud wail, crying into his hands.

L stared at him. _Down by two percent, Kira would never be this immature about how he appears..._

Raito suddenly gasped in horror. "Shit, what if I already gained weight! No! Must...work...out!" He yelled, starting to do sit-ups.

"...if Raito-kun were female, I would accuse him of having pre menstrual symptoms." L muttered.

Raito stopped mid-sit-up. "You are _such _a bitch, you just don't understand my feelings! Selfish bastard!"

L twitched, stand up and dropping his lollipop. He unchained himself, slapped the handcuff onto a nearby table leg and stomped off. Raito glared after him. "Get back here and fight me like a real man, Ryuuzaki!"

L came back, tossed a new box of markers and some sheets of paper at him and crossed his arms. "Raito-kun will let out his anger in some coloring exercises before I result to physical assault. Now excuse me as I get some cake." He picked up the lollipop off the carpeted floor.

"You expect me to color?! What am I, four? And don't put that in your mouth, the floor's filthy!" Raito said in a nagging tone.

"Raito-kun acts like he has the mind of an adolescent child, now color." L stuck the lollipop into his mouth and walked off.

Raito sighed in annoyance. "...bitch."

The lollipop flew across the room and smacked him in the face. "I heard that, Raito-kun!"

"EWWW!" Raito flailed his arms around for a bit, then pulled the sticky lollipop off and tossed it to the ground, wiping his face off. He sighed again, picking up the markers and swearing revenge (again).

"Ooo! Smelly markers!" He squeaked, ripping the markers out and grabbing one at random. He held one at his nose and inhaled deeply. "Oh! This one's cherry!" He got a couple more whiffs of artificial cherries before grabbing another one, uncapping it and sniffing.

"Lemon! Omg, I love lemon!" He sniffed more, then reluctantly went to another one.

"Cinnamon!! Wow! How do they do that!?!" Raito exclaimed in amazement, staring at the brown marker. By now, he was feeling quite light headed and slightly dizzy, but thought nothing of it.

"Wow, it smells so yummy! Mmm! I wonder if it tastes good too..." Raito thought about it for the next five seconds before deciding to try it himself.

At the same time, L walked back into the room with a large slice of cake, just in time to see Raito lick the marker tip in a strangely hot way. **-fangirl-** He blinked twice. "...what is Raito-kun doing?"

"Eww! It tastes like crap!" Raito complained, flinging the marker out the window, where it K.O.ed the same boy from the first chapter...somehow...

"Up by ten percent. Why was Raito-kun tasting his coloring implements?" L questioned. Raito ignored him, grabbing the black marker and sniffing it.

"Ewwww! This one smells like an ass!" Raito sniffed it again. "Blah, yeah, definitely asshole flavored...Ryuuzaki, sniff it! Doesn't it smell like an ass?!"

"...I have no desires to inhale the scent of somebody's anus."

Raito glared at him. "Sniff the damn marker!"

"Fine!" L leaned forward to smell the marker. Raito suddenly moved the marker forward, jabbing L's nose with it, and a second later, had drawn a swirly moustache on him. "Bwahahaha! Lamo!" He giggled.

"..." L twitched slightly. "Raito-kun has approximately five seconds to run..." He muttered angrily.

"Huh?"

"Four seconds...three seconds..."

"Shit!" Raito scrambled to run but got jerked by since the chain was still attached to the table. Knowing that he had no time to gnaw his own arm off to get free, he just cowered in fear. "M-mommy, save me!" He squeaked.

And then L pummeled him. But it was censored because of course, Adult Swim would never show such violence in an anime and just ended the episode.

---

**Okay, yeah, that was weird...kinda inspired by Dane Cook, and also from a memory of chibi!Ayumi when she was 7, and sucked on all the markers in her marker box because the cherry marker didn't taste right, and she wanted to see if all the flavors went bad...ahh...good times...goooood times...**

**Raito is uber OOC in this chapter, don'tcha think? He's acting like a PMS-ing teenager...**

**Now, to my lovely reviewers!**

**SapphireElric- Aww, now I feel special X3 I like chapter three .o. mwahaha**

**BlakValentyne--U69- XD glad you think so!**

**MiaoShou- Aww, I'm sorry for the loss of your ass...hopefully you re-attached it, because living without an ass would be a pain in the...uh...ass...**

**SohmaElric91- Yes, we do .o. I have all my contacts on my profile if ya wanna talk X3 And I know I do, the next chapter is introducing them all and it's uber long and I don't have the attention span to sit down and write it all! Blame my ADD! -emo-**

**Synonymous Brain- XD;; I guess...-KIRA IS WAY MORE AWESOME DAMN YOU _spazz-_**

**Teh Soul Cookie- .o. The rabbit poop chapter was inspired by the fact that there's these freaking rabbits that keep leaving their crap in my backyard...**

**naito-kei- XD lol, yes, it was delicious, as delicious as rabbit poup panackes and pee ice cream is X3**

**Ling-Ling1567- Ya see, the thing is...ummm...it's a fanfic gosh darn it, I can do whatever the hell I want! And yeah, pay back is a bitch...-nod nod-**

**L Lawliet's- Lol, I'm just mean to my little Raito X3 He's just too much fun to mess with XD;**

**Dark Chocolate Alchemist- XD; Why do people keep saying that? Lawl...L won this chapter too o.o; oh shits, I gotta make Raito start winning stuff or something...**

**Pastel Cupcake- o.o If we are what we eat, that means Raito and Ed must eat a lot of sexy...if that's possible? o.O...**

**Yami ni Hikari- Well, if L ate the ice cream, Raito would've choked on his spit laughing, and L would I dunno...do something...? And yeah XD; I think I'd do the same thing too...those darn rabbits and their chocolatey poops...**

**Skyler25- XO I thought this up before watching that dammit! -twitchy fit- DX Don't remind me of that damn vide-oh hey, now I got an idea for a chapter o.o; Thanks! XD; .o. yay, I'm special n.n**

**InuyashaLuver1224- Ohhh...I don't watch the anime that much, the manga's a lot better anyway, especially the ending...**

**Suzume Chiyu- Omfg, I killed one of my readers! OH NOES! XD; I can imagine this whole thing in my head...**

**MrsEdwardElric47- .o. yes, L is evil. He's slowly taking over the world...-slow nod- yup yup...**

**Yay, now I'm done! Whoot! Gimme reviews!**


	5. Time Out

**Okay, I'm in school right now. XD; I'm updating while stalling to do my math homework, and I have an English test next period...and I didn't start my project...-snickers-**

**Disclaimer: I can't believe I can't think of any creative way to say I don't own Death Note...**

**Raito: Because you're an idiot.**

**Me: Your mom was an idiot!**

**Raito: -gasp- Don't you dare talk 'bout Mummy that way!**

**Me: Yo' muthah iz an idiot! (there's my ** **New York**** accent again)**

**Raito: BITCH! -tackles-**

**L: -sighs- Up by ten percent...**

**---**

Raito was reading a magazine, snickering at the embarrassing moments article. "Wow, he asked him for a tampon...lamo." He turned the page and gasped at the headline. "Like, omfg, Miley Cyrus is pregnant?! I _have _to read that one." And he was about to too, but L randomly snatched the page off, ripped it off, and wrapped his steaming hot donuts with it. He grinned. "Ah, I knew this would make the perfect wrap."

"What the hell, I was reading that!" Raito hissed angrily, seething at the fact that now he'll never know the juicy details.

"And now I am using it for donut wraps. So nyeh." L stuck out his tongue. Raito grimaced and folded his arms, muttering under his breath.

A couple of minutes later, L assumed that his donuts had cooled down a bit. He unwrapped them and stared at the pink frosted donuts with sprinkles in awe. "So...so beautiful..." He whispered, delicately picking them up as if they were his babies.

He was just about to take the first bite when Raito bitchslapped them both out of his hands. They flew out a window and K.O.ed the boy from chapter one's grandmother. L's eyes widened. "M-my donuts!"

"That'll teach you to mess with Miley Cyrus!" Raito yelled in triumph.

"R-Raito-kun, why would you do something like that...up by fifty percent for donut murder!" L shrieked hysterically, pointing at Raito.

"Am not!"

"Are too! You killed my donut, poopy head!"

"...what?"

L crossed his arms and pouted. "Poopy head."

"Shaddup!" Raito grabbed the glass of water he was previously drinking and dumped it in L's face. "Hah!"

"Ehh..." L whimpered, rubbing water out of his eyes with the back of his hands. He sniffled twice, then broke down crying. "Waaah! W-Watariiii!!! Raito-kun made me wet!"

"Shh!! Don't tell!" Raito whined, trying to get L to shut up. Watari rushed over, sighing at the scene. "What's going on here?!"

Immediately, the both of them tried to tell their sides of the story at the same time.

"W-well I was reading a magazine and-"

"I had these donuts and-"

"L ripped my article out!"

"Raito-kun got jealous of my donuts-"

"Was not, you messed up my magazine!"

"He killed an old lady with my donuts!"

"And he called me a poopy head!"

"He splashed me!"

"Quiet down!" Watari snapped. The both of them fell silent. Watari sighed again. "I'm getting tired of you too bickering all the time. Now both of you sit in time out until you learn to behave!"

"But Watari-!!"

"No buts! Now move!" Watari pointed to the corner before stomping off. Raito and L whined, shuffling into the same corner because they were still chained together. Raito started muttering to himself as soon as Watari left. "This is all your fault, L."

"It is not. I didn't do anything to deserve a time out." L said. "L's a good boy."

"You and your stupid donuts got us into this..." He stopped for a second, watching L attempt to dry his hair out, and failing miserably. "Wow, you're really wet..."

"Yeah, no duh!" L shot back, glaring at him.

Raito frowned. "...'m sorry."

"...really?" L asked, his eyes wide. "I'm sorry for messing up your article."

"That's okay, the whole thing was bull anyway." Raito shrugged. "Was probably better off not reading it in the first place."

L giggled a bit. "Yeah."

"Friends again?" Raito held out his hand. L stared at it for a bit before smiling and shaking his hand. "The best."

**-group 'Awww'-**

"Eww, your hand's moist!" Raito jerked his hand away and wiped it on the wall. "Gross! I gotta go wash my hands, there's no telling what _you _touched."

"Shut up, my hand's fine! Yours are just extremely dry!"

"I do not have dry hands, I use lotion!"

"You're such a wuss, what kind of guy uses lotion!"

"**REAL MEN USE LOTION!"**

"Yeah right!"

"Screw you!" Raito tackled L to the ground and the two rolled around, yelling insults to each other. Two donuts flew in from the window and knocked the two out.

"Shut up!" The old woman yelled, shaking her first at them from the ground.

"You tell them, Gramma!" The K.O. kid yelled.

"You shut up too!" She whacked the kid with her cane, K.O.ing him.

**---**

**...what the hell? Um, yeah, this whole chapter, I was imagining Raito and L as little chibis, so randomly they got turned into like, 5 year old chibis...so cuuuute...L's more OOC here then the other chapters...**

**And I swear, right now I'm sitting like L, and my legs are starting to go numb, lol...**

**Anyway, to my lovely reviewers! Oh, I love those annoying messages on my inbox that FFN sends us..**

**Synonymous Brian- ...I think I spelled your name wrong in previous chapters...XD;**

**Yami no Hikari- Yeah, I'm gonna keep bringing back the KO kid, hopefully y'know...with a name...and yeah, I'm his counselor -evil laugh-**

**SapphireElric- Should what? ...I forgot what we were talking about...**

**queencasey- Lol, yes! Someone else understands Raito's true name! And lol, yeah, his hair amazes me XD;**

**Shadow Pheonix Flames- Huh? ...oh...I had to read like, ten... times to get that you were talking about the chapter, lol**

**Skyler25- Bah, I think that Raito's actually kinda close to character here, lol. He's so feminine when he doesn't have his death note...only with his murdering tool of dewm is he so maaanly...and yeah, I noticed XD**

**Fantabulous- Lol, yeah! Love Dane Cook X3**

**Teh Soul Cookie- Betted? XD ...I like cookies :o And my friend Lunara said your name pwns. XD yay for you**

**Ling-Ling1567- Lol, is that so? n.n Yay, that makes me feel special**

**Princesssayuri1- In your whole life, eh? You poor poor deprived girl...and yes, I think so too XD...babe? .o.;**

**Kurai-Kyuuketsuki- XD All week? My, my, you reviewers flatter me so much, please continue before my ego deflates again..Although...I don't think it smells of ass...I think it smells like something else, but I can't place the name...**

**Princesssayuri1- Lol, hi again...-twitch- You called him Light DX...and you noes how to pick what? Noses? Eww...and err...that's alot of money...what if I buy him tomorrow?**

**Dark Chocolate Alchemist- Lunara also thought your name pwned. :o Bad mood? Same here...let's be in bad moods together, yay! And yes, they were cuffed, but L uncuffed them so that Raito can color and he could get his cake.**

**Li'l Lawliet- Lol, too lazy to sign in? XD Speaking of Dane Cook FMA vids...go see the B and E one by sailorstar14! It's uber funny and one of my bffls made it X3**

**s-chan.the.insane- Really? I have...ahh, silly little chibi!Ayumi...and lol, that 'higher than a kite' thing made me laugh XD**

**Pastel Cupcake- DX NOOO! DON'T CALL YM RAITO-KUN UGLY, HE'S HAWT! HAWT!!!**

**Harry loves Ginny- XDD Lol, yeah, still love that chapter...**

**InuyashaLuver1224- Yeah, they did .o. the manga ending pwns the anime's...**

**Island Of the Ships- Ahh, you called him Light too! DX THEY'RE GANGING UP ON ME, AUGH! Does he really sound like an eleven year old? Ahahhaa...**

**And now, for my closing word...**

**Anus.**

**XD**


	6. DDR

**Yay, my project's done, so to celebrate, here's another chapter! Whoot! ...okay, I finished the project three days ago but the chapter wasn't finished by then, so screw that...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, that's some guy who's name escapes me...**

**Raito: She doesn't own Dance Dance Revolution either.**

**Me: Right, because if I did, I'd be fricking rich. Screw fanfiction, I'd buy so many mangas and anime DVDs I'll need a whole new house to keep them in -rambles on-**

**Raito: ...**

**Me: Which reminds me, I'm trying to come up with a name for the KO kid, but I can't think, so I'm looking for suggestions! Submit them in your reviews! Thanks!**

**---**

_"Existing in this place now are uncleanable lies! I wonder when it has began...how far do I have to go to see the light?"_

The extremely loud DDR music came from downstairs, along with some guy shouting "Great! Aww'right! Whoo!"

L twitched in annoyance. "What in the world is Raito-kun doing down there..." He muttered, pulling himself away from his laptop and wandered downstairs to find out. In the living room, Raito was flailing his arms around, stepping gracefully on a colorful mat. The tv was on, where the music was coming from, and multicolored arrows flew all around the screen in a seizure-inducing speed.

_"Stars in your eyes! Stars in your heart!"_

"Perfect!"

L blinked, walking to Raito until he was standing directly in front of him, blocking the screen. The loud cheers in the background of the music changed immediately to loud booing, and the guy started shouting words of discouragement, before the 'Game Over' screen flashed.

"Dammit, Ryuuzaki! Ya see what ya do?" Raito glared at the world's greatest detective, placing his hands on his hips and pouting his lips in typical pissed off mode.

"I was merely wondering what Raito-kun was doing." L shrugged his shoulders a bit. Raito sighed. "Haven't you ever played Dance Dance Revolution?"

"No. I don't dance. And I have no intention to revolutionize anything." L answered.

Raito rolled his eyes. "It's a game, dumbass." He got an idea of some way to make L look like a fool of himself- by kicking his ass in DDR! Because Raito prided himself of being the worldwide champion of Dance Dance Revolution for four years running now. "Wanna play? I have another mat."

"No. I'm going to go back to the Kira case, and I suggest that Raito-kun does the same. Unless of course, Raito-kun is Kira, and this is Kira's way of distracting me."

"Come on, stop being such a bastard, play with me!" Raito whined.

"No! I don't want to!" L started to walk of, deciding to do that rather then beat Raito's head in, like he wanted to.

"Fine! Selfish bastard, I'm just trying to be nice! But if you want to be such a dick about it..." Raito crossed his arms and frowned. L stopped and looked back at him, staring at him hard with his wide, bug-like eyes. Raito squirmed under his gaze a bit.

"...Raito-kun was born from a female canine." L said simply.

"..."

"..."

"Hey!"

"I'll play Raito-kun's game if that'll silence him." L sighed, coming back over.

"Yay!" Raito connected the second mat to his PlayStation and started to choose the song. "Is DoLL okay? That's a good song for beginners." He lied.

"That's fine." L tapped on the down key so that his level matched Raito's. Raito glanced at him in questioning as the song started, and loud Japanese music started playing.

The arrows came in quickly, and Raito easily got them, getting Perfects for all of them. He smirked, knowing he was going to win, but realized that he didn't hear any boos from L's side. He glanced over, shocked that L was matching all his moves, and without his arms flailing around like Raito was doing, instead, his hands were stuck into his pockets.

The song ended, the both of them with the same exact score. Raito stared at L in amazement. "How did you..."

"Hm. I'm still a little bit rusty..." L muttered to himself, ignoring Raito's statement. Raito glared at him, recognizing the scene. It was just like the tennis game..._This time, I won't lose!_

"Let's do MAX300 next. It's my favorite." Raito said in singsong, clicking on that one. L shrugged. Raito glared at him before the song started, and the arrows came fast, faster then Raito was used to. The arrows went by way too fast, but in a couple of second of analyzing the speed and doing other smart shit, he got the steps perfectly.

He glared at L in shounen mode, his hair going red. L glared back, his hair blue. But L had to admit that Raito was winning. _Time to resort to drastic measures! _L thought in determination.

Last couple of seconds; the arrows had doubled in their speed. Raito smirked to himself. _I'm gonna win!_

Suddenly, he felt something squishy smack into his face. He gasped, his hand automatically whizzing up to smear off some of the cake on him. His eyes widened as he stared at the creamy white frosting he had wiped off. _Oh hell no..._ "My hair!!! You messed up my hair, Ryuuzaki!"

_"Booo!!!"_

The game ended. Raito had lost too many points from stopping, making L the winner. L smirked in Raito's direction. "Well, I guess I won."

"DAMN YOU, YOU MESSED UP MY HAIR!" Raito shrieked, tackling the older detective to the ground and throttling him violently. L flailed and tried to get him off, but the teenager was just way too strong in his blind rage. And just as L lost consciousness, he realized something horrible. _Shit, I used the last piece of cake on Raito-kun..._

---

**Okay, that was weird...um...yeah...anyway, I better hurry with the review replies cuz I have to do my math homework...**

**SapphireElric- Oh! XD lol, I do. KO kid is love**

**psych11- Omg, for a whole minute? Gasp! Easiest way to get that into a conversation is to get some skittles and throw it at people while laughing hysterically and screaming "Taste the rainbow, bitch!" It's fun! X3**

**julstimes2- XD Yay, you got it. I was giggling to myself while writing that line. Glad at least one person got it, lol.**

**UndeadTiger92- XD**

**Pastel Cupcake- TAKE THAT BACK! -tackles- Raito-kun's ten times more hot then L-kun is!**

**Princesssayuri1- ...the true meaning of that chapter was anus? Huh...yeah, I don't watch the anime that much, I read the manga online and most of the time they called him Raito, so...**

**Yami ni Hikari- Well, yeah:o Donuts are precious things, killing them has got to be a sin! KO kid is screwed for life, man...**

**Synonymous Brian- Omg, that's adorable! -kawaii overload- I need to ssee fanart of that...quick, grab someone that can draw!**

**Quarter Queen- I use that phrase all the time...I still don't know what K.O. means though n.n;**

**Skyler25- Grr, Misa, she's an enemy to fangirls everywhere! Burn the witch! Err...bitch! That's better, yes. Man, I can't draw either, otherwise I'd totally do it...**

**September Rhyme- XD Bag of asses, lawl. Exactly why I call him Raito too...and it's hotter...X3; I know, that day I was going around randomly saying anus to my friends, and going to my sisters and being like "Wow, you are such a pain in the anus! -giggle fit- You anus hole! -giggle-" I'm so immature, it's awesome.**

**Teh Soul Cookie- XD That's what I was thinking about too when I wrote that, lol. Cookies, whoot!**

**imaginations-let-free- X3 Thanks!**

**TriggerHappyAntagonist- I knooow, chibi Ryuu-kun is awesome. That reminded me of some picture I saw, there were like, an uber lots of chibi!Ryuuzakis everywhere around the letter L, it was SO cute! I gotta show you that one...**

**MiaoShou- Oh, you have a room too? X3 fun! Don't you just love those stylish jackets they have there? And omg, they have the best crackers ever.**

**Island Of the Ships- ...official romance thingy? Huh? ...RAITO! HIS NAME IS RAITO DAMMIT! And lol, I just wanted to ruin the friendship moment for them, mwahaha. XD; You saying manhood made me thing of other things -ahem-**

**Kira35- Anus pwns. And I'm deciding, lol. How long? ...probably the whole fic XD; And they're chained together because the author of death note likes yaoi fanservice--I mean, Raito's under suspecion of being Kira, and Ryuuzaki is keeping an eye on him. **

**Dark Chocolate Alchemist- Question, is your alchemy like...transmuting chocolate? Or...yes, Watari is an angry mother in that one...HHR? What's that mean? **

**And yes, if you haven't gotten it by now, L called Raito a son of a bitch. :3**


	7. Murder

**Bored...er, yeah. I hit 100 reviews already?! Wow...um, yeah, thanks to Yami ni Hikari, I'm at 100, so I'll take a chapter request from her, lawl. I always do that kind of thing...anyway! Chapter dedicated to my bffl Alexa (UndeadTiger) because I thought of this from something she showed me...**

**Whorage: Go read "In Black Crayon" by TriggerHappyAntagonist. Because I told you too. It pwns, so review it! -nods- And I say, if we were the DN characters, I'd be Raito and she'd be L...-coughs-**

**Ratio: Ew, I don't want you to be me!**

**Me: Too bad!**

**Disclaimer: I'm gonna go against the rules because...I wanna...I own Death Note! Take that bitches! ...agh! -heart attack- -dies-  
**

**Raito: Hah, suck on that -evil laugh- **

**L: Up by 70 percent.**

**Raito: Dammit!**

**---**

"This is it..." Raito whispered hesitantly, looking over at L's stern face. "You ready?"

"Of course. Is Raito-kun feeling nervous?" L asked calmly.

"No." Raito glanced ahead and gulped. "Alright, he's coming."

"Commencing operation in ten point five seconds. Prepare yourself, Raito-kun." L ordered, tightening his grip on the chain connecting the two. Raito mirrored his actions and waited in antipitacion. Dramatic music played in the background at the epicness of the situation.

"Now!" L yelled over the music. The two of them pulled on the chain, just as Matsuda had walked through the doorway, whistling merrily.

"Waah!" Matsuda yelled, tripping over the chain. He stumbled forward, flailing his arm around to try and get his balance back. He failed and instead fell out of a nearby wndow. "Aaaaaah! Help me, Spiderman!" THUD!

"Ho'shit!" Raito gasped, jumping to his feet and covering his mouth in horrified shock. "Oh Gawd, we just killed Matsuda!"

"Correction. Raito-kun has just murdered Matsuda-san." L pointed out. "Allow me to remind you who's idea it was in the first place. I simply did it to amuse Raito-kun...and to shut him up."

Raito stared in horror. "Sh-shit, you're right! Holy Hell, I'm a murderer! No!" Raito fell to hus knees and hid his face into his hands. "This sucks, I'll go to jail and stripes make me look fat! And all they serve is crap equivalent to cafeteria food, but with more carbs! And then I'll get assraped like in all the movies! Why!?" He wailed.

_Down by five percent. _L ignored him, walking pst to look out the window, dragging Raito down with him. "It would seem to appear that Matsuda-san is fine, but it looks like he had landed on a small child. Oh dear..."

Raito looked up, (manly) tears streaming down his face. "He's alive?"

"See for yourself." L pointed out the window. Raito looked out it. Indeed, Matsuda was on the ground, having landed on the KO kid, who had been KOed. "You're right!"

"I'm always right, have you not realized that yet?" L replied smugly. Raito glared at him, before looking down at Matsuda again. "Hey, Matsuda! You okay?"

"Yeah! I'm fine!" Matsuda waved at them. "I landed on something reeeeeally squishy, so I'm a-oh-kay!"

"Good!" Raito grabbed a nearby vase and chucked it at him. "How dare you make me cry!"

"Eeeek!"

**---**

**I'm so bored...now I'll have nothing to do...-emo- But omg, I love Matsuda, I'm sorry I made you fall out a window! XO **

**MiaoShou- Crap, you noticed...lol. Well, L unchained Raito for reasons unknown...yeah...let's go with that. And technically, Raito won. L just cheated. 8D**

**LightofaThousandSuns- Gawd, that name makes me lol. XD Yes, Raito loves his hair. I love his hair too...I wanna touch it...-drools-**

**SapphireElric- ** **I pwn at DDR XD I loves it...**

**Dark Chocolate Alchemist- :o Bunnies! KO, not sure, a reviewer told me, but I forgot...DDR is Dance Dance Revolution XD And yay :3**

**Farawen- YAY! **

**julstimes2- Roberto, huh:o**

**Kira35- Really? Your first time? Awesome, I stole your replied-review virginity then. Go me! And yes, I said that to one of my friends irl and she didn't get it, like, at all. I nearly choked, laughed way too much...how'd yaoi get into this? I don't remember..-fails- And ooooh...I thought it meant Killed Off, but I wasn't sure... Shouldn't you say desu, not des? "Des(s?)" is a pronounciation of desu, actually saying the "u" part is just for emphasis...that's what I was taught...**

**Synonymous Brian- XD; I'm on the Expert level for DDR, soo... **

**UndeadTiger- XD; Same. But that time, you just made a face, so I made a face back. :P Weird, so do I actually, lol...**

**September Rhyme- Kamikaze watermelon...? -so lost- Aws, his hair died? Aww...wait, Deidara? Eh?**

**Akaiwa no Deidara- :3 ...Lawliet, lol. Eugine sounds geeky...XD;**

**Island Of the Ships- Huh? I forgot what we were talking about...(NO IT AIN'T!) Lighto? XD; Are you just making fun of me now? Halfway in, I forgot how to spell 'Raito' and kept typing in 'Riteo, Righto' etc. Man, I fail... and lmao, I read that as 'Mmm, manhood...' which made me choke on what I was drinking XD;**

**Teh Soul Cookie- ...I like Damien...but wait...KO kid is a demon child? Ehhh?**

**Pastel Cupcake- -bitchslapps- IS TOO! Li-GRRDAMNYOU Raito is infinity times as hot as L is! And Raito pwned L's ass anyway, so HA!**

**Princesssayuri1- Yes, yes it is. And M and M's are..okay...but it wouldn't make sense. Because Skittles has the "Taste the rainbow" line, M and M's don't. **

**Yami ni Hikari- Well, yeah, technically this whole chapter was a parody of the tennis scene in Death Note. Which, btw, Raito-kun's got some nice legs...he was wearing some fine shorts there -snicker- And, wait, what?**

**Fantabulous- XD Go ahead, it's fun! And yeah, Raito and L pwn at everything, sometimes it's kinda annoying... yaoi fanservice? Huh? ...wait...huh?**

**Okay, back to hanging out on gaia...which...btw...if any of you have Gaia, I'm Ayumi Elric...go give me something or donate me some gold. -shot- Ow! **


	8. L's Makeover

**It's times like these when I wish I could draw...damn these hands! I wanna make doujinshi of this...-sob cry-**

**Disclaimer: Didn't I die from doing this last time? o.o;**

**Raito: Just get on with it...**

**Me: I don't own Death Note. Because if I did own one, we all know who's dying first...Hannah Montana, and the cast of HSM.**

**Raito: o.O...okaaay...**

**Me: Fangirls beware! I completely butcher Raito's personality and L's appearance in this chapter!**

**L: I knew Raito-kun seemed more...fruity...**

**Raito: XO You bitch!**

**---**

Raito was happily reading a fashion magazine, munching on some potato chips in the epic way he does things. L watched him, enjoying the semi-quiet, yet...unnerved. Why, you may ask? Because the last time he read such magazines, he had traumatized Matsuda by dressing him in the newest designer outfits...for girls. Needless to say, L didn't need that image back into his mind.

Raito looked at L. The sparkling innocent in his eyes were starting to creep him out. "Ryuuuuuuuu-kuuuuuuuun?"

"Raito-kun will not call me that. What is it?" L asked nervously.

Raito flicked his hair back. "I think you'd look good in black...don't you?"

"... I suppose." L squirmed uncomfortably in his hair.

"And your hair would look good if you fixed it up a bit-"

"No. I will not allow Raito-kun to alter my physical appearance." L cut in.

Raito pouted. "Aww, why not?"

L ignored him, rolling his eyes. Raito pouted more. "Please, Ryuu-kun? Please?? I won't ask again! And I'll buy you cake afterwards; I just really wanna try this. _Please?_"

_Damn him..._ "Fine! I want chocolate cake...a big one." L glared at him. Raito beamed. "Yay!"

-

An hour later, L was sitting on a chair with his back to the silver sink in the bathroom, lying back so that the cucumbers would stay on him. He had a facemask on and was draped with a fluffy white towel so that he wouldn't get wet. Raito was working feverishly, scrubbing hard into his hair. A table next to them held an assortment of items Raito had removed from his hair, including a broken comb, half a muffin, three sugar cookies, Harry Potter's glasses, Raito and L plushies, a plastic spork, and a loaf of salami. Raito stopped and frowned, pulling a gooey mess of chewed up, pink gum. "Gross! What the hell?!"

"I was saving that for later..." L mumbled stiffly.

"You are seriously disgusting..." Raito sighed.

"Just hurry up."

"Alright, alright..." Raito smirked, secretly taking pictures of this to put on his blog.

-

A couple more hours later, Raito had finished had finished washing and combing Ryuuzaki's hair. It was actually quite long and silky when it was clean, and went down to his shoulders. Raito was now cheerfully sniping away L's hair, while L moped.

"Step worrying, I know what I'm doing." Raito said with a smile.

L just shrugged. He couldn't see well with his hair hanging in his eyes. _Just remember...cake..._

-

"Whee! Done with your hair!" Raito gave L a mirror. L blinked. It was styled a lot like the hairstyle Raito wore, with the difference of the left side being a lot longer in the front. Basically, it was emo. "...I am unable to see out from my left eye..."

"So what? It looks awesome." Raito beamed again, small white sparkles twinkling around his head. L twitched. "Okay, now close your eyes!"

"..." L closed them with a sigh. He felt something brush against his eyelid and jumped back, mortified. "Is Raito-kun applying make-up!?"

"Yes." Raito blinked. "Just eyeliner, no big deal."

"No. I draw the line at make-up." L glared at him.

"Aww, come on, please?"

"No."

"Please??"

"No!"

"I'm not getting your cake then!"

"Fine!"

-

"Alright, almost done, just keep your eyes closed." Raito sang. L muttered something under his breath. Everything was fine until...

"Ow!" L yelped, feeling a sudden pain in his ear. He looked at a guilty looking Raito holding an earring gun. His eye widened. "Oh, Hell no..."

"I...thought it would look good on you." Raito muttered. L grabbed the mirror and stared at the black stud now embedded into his ear lobe. "...up by forty five percent..." He whispered.

"D-don't be mad..." Raito squeaked.

"Don't be mad? Don't be mad?!" L repeated angrily. "Bloody hell, Raito, I said you could fix my hair and change my clothes, and you give me a piercing?! What the bugger were you thinking?!"

"...are you British?" Raito asked innocently.

L glared at him. Raito squeaked again. "R-remember the cake..."

"Fine." L crossed his arms and frowned. "This has better be some bloody good cake."

-

"Ew." Raito wrinkled his nose, staring at L's hands. L blinked. "What?"

"That." Raito pointed. "Your hands are really dry..."

"I'd rather not use lotion, Raito-kun." L replied.

"But they're icky!"

"Icky...?"

"It's annoying me too much to look at them. And your nails are absolutely repulsive. Ugh. Stop biting them all the time." Raito continued.

"..."

"I'm gonna fix them. Put your cucumbers back on." Raito grinned. L did not trust that smile. But nonetheless, he got the cucumbers and put them on. "I see no point to this."

"There isn't one. I just like cucumbers." Raito giggled.

-

"I can not believe Raito-kun painted my nails." L deadpanned, staring at his now black nails.

"Yeah, well, I can't believe it's not butter. Now get over it." Raito took a bag out from his closet and handed it to him. "I bought these for you."

"Raito-kun planned this, didn't he." L accused, narrowing his eyes at the prodigy. Raito just gave an evil sounding 'teehee!' and pushed him into the bathroom. "Now take off your clothes and stop fighting!"

"Raito-kun, you sound like a rapist." L pointed out, closing the door and looking into the bag. He paled. "What the hell is this?"

-

"And now, I'm proud to present; the new and improved Ryuuuuuuuuuuzakiiiiiiiiii!!!" Raito declared, shoving L in front of the full length mirror. L was now wearing leather pants, a leather jacket with a sleeveless black shirt underneath, and sexy leather boots. Yes, it was an outfit almost identical to Edward Elric's.

"...I look like a bloody whore." L growled.

"I think you look fabulous!" Raito gushed in a loud, singsong voice.

L stared at him. "I think Raito-kun is being quite the tart."

"Oh, shut up." Raito grinned. "Now let's get the cake."

"Finally." L sighed.

**---**

**-mauled by fangirls-**

**Wow, this chapter was long-ish, but it was soooo much fun. Now, to clear some things up...**

**Is L British? In this story, yes. I dunno if he really is though, I think he is...?**

**Will L's hair stay like that? Depends, probably not though...**

**Will L keep his earring? Most likely.**

**Will L get revenge on Raito? Damn straight.**

**Anyway, review replies, yay!**

**Princesssayuri1- Lol, is that so? Expect a lot of window-related incidents in my fanfics. And...-evil laugh- Yes! I am Kira! **

**L and Raito: O.O You what!?**

**Me: Mwahaha! -smirk- What will you do...kill me?**

**Raito and L: Get her! -tackles- **

**Akaiwa no Deidara- Interesting...and wow, if I named little KO Janet Jackson, he would most definitely need more therapy.**

**The Cannibal God- Cool, a cannibal! And yeah, it's a comedy, you can't expect it all to be in character XP (He was always like that? XD;) XD I can see them DDR-ing too. And yeah, I might just leave his name KO Kid...XD;**

**September Rhyme- .o. I'll go check it out then...eventually...I don't like Naruto that much -cough- And dude, the KO Kid is hot -shot-**

**Pastel Cupcake- Doesn't matter, Raito pwned L. Hahahaa. **

**Teh Soul Cookie- ...lol, whut?**

** - Woah, no name o.o; Lol, my immaturity pwns. And don't agree with Pastel, Ayumi's always right!**

**Synonymous Brain- XD Yay**

**Dark Chocolate Alchemist- :3 Damn straight, I guess XD;**

**SapphireElric- XD I need to go back to playing DDR...**

**Yami ni Hikari- Matsuda is awesome...and he's so cute too! XO Remember, you gotta request a chapter -poke-**

**psych11- lol, same here, that's why I did it XD**

**WhiteWolfCub- XD? **

**Kira35- Lol, I don't remember what you're talking about anymore XD; And yay, happy birthday:3 Don't believe her, it's desu XD You just pronounce it des most of the time. **

**Island Of the Ships- Lol, but manhood is yummy :3 Especially Rai-shot multiple times- Ow! DX**

**Okay, so, as a closing word, I would just like to say that this whole chapter was extremely hot and fanservice-y, and that I love L's new look, so screw you if you don't. XD And for all you LxRaito fans...yeah...-.-;**


	9. Cake

**-is chained to a wall- Damn you all, this isn't a yaoi!**

**L: -whips- Silence, Kira suspect!**

**Raito: She admitted to being Kira a while ago, so why the hell am **_**I**_** chained up too! -chained besides Ayumi-**

**L: The both of you are suspects, now shut up.**

**Me: -snarls- It's not yaoi, damn it all!**

**L: -whips her again- Just disclaim already.**

**Me: -emo- I don't own Death Note...-sob-**

**---**

_Cake..._ L pressed his face and palms on the store window, his mouth hanging open and his eyes sparkling. _It's so beautiful..._

"Ryuuzaki...you're drooling." Raito pointed out in disgust. L blinked and looked down at the small puddle of drool now collected around his feet. "Oh." 

"I swear, if you mess up your new clothes, I'll murder you." Raito growled, pulling out a light pink handkerchief from his pocket with a flourish, folded it into an impressive looking diamond and dabbed L's mouth with it. 

_What to do...add to his percentage for obviously threatening to end my life, something Kira would do, or detract from it from the ridiculous obsession with hygiene and the such. I mean, a handkerchief? And it ceases to match his current outfit and...oh...oh Bugger, I'm becoming like him! No! _"Up by thirty percent!" L shrieked, pointing a manicured finger at the prodigy. 

"What! Why! For cleaning up?" Raito demanded. 

"Mind control! Kira has taken over my mind!" L screamed, clutching his head in horror. People stared. 

"Ryuuzaki! Are you doing this just to embarrass me!" Raito hissed under his breath, glaring at him. 

"As a matter of fact, yes, I am, Kira-kun." L smiled. 

"How many times must I tell you, I'm not Kira! Now let's go get your damn cake already." Raito pushed him inside. The small store was crammed with an assortment of candies and colorful pastries. L's eyes bugged out even more then usual. "W-wow...cor blimey, it's beautiful...Kira must've killed me because I'm in heaven..." 

"No, sadly, you're still alive. Stop drooling, it's getting all over my shoes. Ew!" Raito flailed, squealing in disgust. L blinked and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Sorry." He went over to the cashier, a pale girl in gothic lolita clothes and looking like she didn't want to be there. 

She smirked at L. "Well, hello there." 

"Hello." L blinked at her. "I desire the largest chocolate cake you hold here in this establishment." 

"Wow, you really like chocolate." She replied with a bigger smirk. 

"Not as much as some people." 

- 

Somewhere, Mello was eating chocolate as usual, and sneezed. "What the hell was that?" 

"I guess it's true. Idiots catch colds faster." Near muttered. 

"Why you little brat!" 

- 

"Here's your cake." She hoisted a huge cake onto the counter. L stared. _That's bigger then Raito!_

"Stop drooling before you flood the place!" Raito nagged from far off. 

"Hehe! Would you like whipped cream with that?" She held up a whipped cream can. L blinked again. "Sure." 

"Okay!" She pressed down on the nozzle, and whipped cream squirted onto L's face. "Oh, oops! I'm sooo sorry." She giggled deliberately. 

"It's fine." L started to lick it off. She shook her head and grabbed him. "No, let me!" 

"Wh-wha!" L yelped, turning red as she started randomly licking him off. _Where the hell is Raito when I need him!_

Raito snickered behind the wall. Oh yes, this _was __more fun than cable._

- 

"I hate you." L muttered as they walked away from the store. 

"Hey, I saved you, didn't I?" 

"But not until after she had me chained to the wall, and after removing my shirt, had chocolate all over my chest." L glared at him. 

"Yeah, yeah, details. Ya got yer cake, so let's go already." Raito grinned. L lagged behind for a second, spotting something from a nearby store. "...hold on, Raito-kun, there's something else I need..." 

- 

Almost time. L put another piece of cake in his mouth and waited. Raito would be waking up in three seconds, and would, as usual, go to the bathroom to shower. L looked at the clock. Three...two...one... 

"HIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEK! RYUUUUUUUUZAAAAAAAKIIIIIIIIII!" 

"Success." L smiled. Raito came running down, a towel around his head and waist and his face red from anger. 

L blinked innocently. "Raito-kun is naked under that towel." 

"H-how dare you...you...I'll never forgive you for this!" Raito seethed. 

"I do not know what Raito-kun is blabbering on about. Would Raito-kun like some cake?" L offered him a fork. 

"No! I don't want your damn cake!" Raito slapped the fork away and showed L his back. On his shoulder blades were extremely detailed white wings tinged with black feathers, and an apple in the center. A _shiny_ apple. 

L smiled a bit. "Oh, so you like it?" 

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! You can't go around randomly tattooing someone while they sleep!" 

"Oh..." L smirked, tugging on his pierced ear. "...I thought it would look good on you. Is Raito-kun mad?" He simpered in a mocking, falsetto voice. 

Raito stared at him in shock. "D-damn you...damn you!" He ran away screaming. "Damn you! DAMN YOU!" 

"Haha." L chewed on more cake and smiled. _Now we're even._

--- 

**Okay, yes, this whole chapter was just fanservice. L fangirls, feel free to picture yourself as the creepy cashier girl with the whipped cream :3 Review replies!**

**UndeadTiger- Ummm...a picture of Raito and L about to trip Matsuda XD;**

**Sapphire Elric- I love Zexion, he's smexy X3**

**September Rhyme- XD I dunno, something random I just felt like saying...o.O you KOed Raito and L...bad!**

**Synonymous Brain- XD Lol whut?**

**Teh Soul Cookie- XD Lol whut? -shot again- Raito is adorable when he's fruity...**

**Leair- Lol, I might just keep him being the KO kid, I dunno...**

**SohmaElric91- XD O M Word? Lol, XD;;**

**Princesssayuri1- Mwahahah, yes, I'm Kira!**

**Raito: -mutters-**

**And yes, you can X3 Together, we'll rid the world of non-anime fans! MWAHAHAHA!**

**Osaka****-4-Prez- Omg, ** **Osaka**** is love! And yeah, I'm totally gonna do that idea X3 Thanks!**

**SonokoTao- Lol, is that so? XD Then he's partially British, yay! Thanks for the info!**

**Vampire Scooby- .o. a Mello outfit? Ehh? And yeah, he'll keep the earring n.n**

**EmoNekoNinja- L in Ed's clothes is hot...Ed would probably look good in L's clothes...damn, we need fanart of that...**

**WhiteWolfClub- ...deliciously gay? ...should I take that as a compliment?**

**Skyler25- O.O; Are ya'll having an argument through my reviews? Wtf! Poor L? I think it suits him...**

**Kurai-Kyuuketsuki- XD Lol, well, now ya know X3**

**Dark Chocolate Alchemist- Damn straight, lol**

**UNpReDiCtAbLE lIfE- Omg, I hate writing that, it's hard DX And where? n.n...my brain? Hehehe...**

**Kira35- -confused- Stop with the arguing -cries-**

**Island Of the Ships- Lol, no, but thanks for the info :3 I know**

**midnightstorydesire- XD I don't see what's so funny about my disclaimers...XD;**

**Yami ni Hikari- Wooooow, really long review...Socks and duct tape...okay...XD;And maybe...**

**Akatsuki Girl942- LMAO XD Someone noticed! I dunno, he just randomly has an earring gun...**

**Fantabulous- XD;; Actually, you might be right...X3 I love that part, lol. **

**Havoc's Honey- The catch? Ehhh:o**

**Pastel Cupcake- HA! PWN!**

**MissMarientose- XD;; Okay, lol**

**LightofaThousandSuns- X3 Lol, thank you**

**peanutbutterjellytime!- XD Lol**

**ilovewriting23- Oh wow, ya reviewed alot at once o.o; thanks XD; I can't reply to all at once though...**

**InuyashaLuver1224- Yes, I know how both end, and the manga is way better. What's the bitch there? Eh?**

**arimi-san- ...**

**L: ...Calm down...**

**Me: -lunges at- DAMNITALLTHISISNOTAYAOIRAITOANDLARENOTGAAAAAY!**

**Raito: -restrains and puts her in straight jacket- Bad Kira! -sprays with water-**

**Me: -hiss-**

**Gimme reviews, rawr!**


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